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Some parents are facing difficult decisions during this COVID-19 pandemic, including whether their children should be physically near a parent that is working with the public. For some families, it means that one parent temporarily lives in another part of the house. A related CNN article can be found here.  For other families, it means one parent temporarily lives in another place altogether. A related ABC article can be found here.

But, for co-parents that live in separate households, the thought of children being near a parent that is a first responder, a front-line worker, or an essential employee can lead to even more difficult decisions. The guidance from the Maryland Judiciary is clear:

All court orders for a child’s custody, parenting time, and child support are still in effect. In some situations, if permitted under the court order, custodians can jointly adjust their shared parenting responsibilities in ways that they agree are best for the children. If custodians are not able to agree, the court order controls.

The spread of COVID-19 has stressed many family dynamics on a daily basis. Kitchen tables are now elementary school classrooms and backyards now host recess. With Maryland’s Stay-At-Home Order still in place, children and parents are finding themselves working through finding a new normal. COVID-19 Escalates in Capital Region

Parents that share time with their children between different households face an even larger set of challenges. Court orders that define parenting time, holiday schedules, and other child-focused decisions often do not help guide parents through questions like: “What happens in a global, viral pandemic?”.

With the seeming constant change to regulations and recommendations, the best recommendation is flexibility, while understanding your Order remains in place absent an agreement to deviate. Communicate with your children and your co-parent to make the best decision possible for your children and your collective family. Each day may bring new challenges and it is important that co-parents do their best to communicate about those challenges and remain open and flexible to the resolutions. Family flexibility is the new normal.

The AFCC is the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts. It is a group of individuals from many disciplines associated with or in the family court arena. AFCC members include lawyers, mediators, judges, psychologists, counselors, social workers, parenting coordinators, psychiatrists, researchers, teachers, and policymakers throughout the country. The AFCC recently released seven guidelines for parents who are divorced/separated and sharing custody of children during the COVID-19 pandemic. While these guidelines are not mandated, they provide knowledge and principles of good practice in navigating this crisis. A summary of the seven guidelines as set forth by the AFCC are:

1. BE HEALTHY: Comply with all CDC, local and state guidelines and model good behavior for your children. This also means to be informed by staying in touch with reliable media sources.

2. BE MINDFUL: Be honest about the seriousness of COVID-19, but maintain a calm demeanor for your children. DO not expose your children to endless media coverage, but encourage your children to ask questions and provide them with age appropriate answers.

I have a handful of clients in this exact situation and all of them are finding it increasingly difficult to share space in a home they no longer want to share with the other. In addition to grudgingly sharing the space, they are attempting to do so while one or both are working from home or while one is working and the other is laid off, while attempting to assist their children with distance/remote learning, and while juggling the household tasks of cooking cleaning, paying bills, etc. Needless to say emotions are on the rise. In a few of the cases I have been able to work out agreed upon designated areas (specific rooms) for each party to conduct their working from home duties, along with times for the use of those spaces, scheduling days and/or subjects each parent is responsible for assisting the children with their education, and how to handle the payment of expenses. While not a permanent solution, ‘rules’ to follow hopefully give the parents and children some consistency to reduce the tension in household.

If you find yourself in a situation such as this some considerations to develop a plan for your home environment during the COVID-19 confinement are:

What are each parents work-related commitments, days and times?